Unpacking Boys in the Digital Wild

I remember the first time I felt I had to be a "tough man." This was when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old and I got into an argument with my cousin. I felt personally attacked, and I thought that if I showed my dominance physically, I would be cool. This is a recurring memory I think about often because, as a kid, I was never considered tough, but as a more kind and caring kid.

As a kid who had access to the internet at a young age, I feel like this translated over from the videos I was watching during this age. I really enjoyed watching battles and competitions between people, and most of the time it was the man who came out on top. At such a young age, I felt the need to be the boy who came out on top in everything that I did. This made my adolescent years very challenging. I was constantly pushing myself to reach unimaginable first places in areas such as schoolwork, video games, and competitive recess matches.

While growing up, I thought masculinity was boys working out every day of the week effortlessly. I saw multiple videos on workout guides and how to get abs, to the point that I would do it consistently. Seeing these videos rekindled the need to be the boy coming out on top, or, as in this case, "the fittest." This led to the point of my whole feed being about how to be fit and "tough." This made me feel lonely, knowing I would never be as the strong, masculine men I saw on my feed. This line of thinking continues to resonate with boys in 2026.

From the 2025 "Boys in the Digital Wild" report from Common Sense Media, we learn that boys who have been exposed to digital masculinity content have felt more alone and feel the need to fit that standard. I myself can resonate with this statistic in the way that I felt the need to reach these ridiculous standards at such a young age, without anyone there to tell me that it's not necessary.

The conception of a real man that is expressed in digital media also involves the need to show no emotion. The phrase "boys don't cry" is shown to children through the media they see daily, without them recognizing it. The same report talks about how boys who are highly exposed to this content are "nearly four times more likely to believe that sharing worries makes them look weak." This stood out to me because when I was younger, I felt this exact way, and it still hasn't gone away for me. To this day, I feel like I've gotten better at talking to others about what I feel, but I still have a constant fear that it will change the way I'm perceived by my peers.

If I had the chance, I would go back and tell my younger self that you don't have to put on a show for others to be perceived as a real and tough man, you can just be yourself. The pressure to conform to masculine stereotypes is heavy. But I hope others like me can see that they don't have to carry that weight.